if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Green mimosas i think yes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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