i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
