I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
