i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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