Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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