Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
