No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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