Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
