I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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