Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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