belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
