last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
