In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
