I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
