At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
