I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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