Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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