I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize