Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
time to smoke my breakfast
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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