I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
