I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
