dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
