Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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