do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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