Someone shit on the floor
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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