I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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