Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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