i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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