I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
