Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize