based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
