Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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