tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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