Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
