I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i will never coherently bang her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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