His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
