babies were throwing up all over the place
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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