So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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