After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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