god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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