Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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