Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm both gender and math confused
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize