I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
