wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
