He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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