Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
