You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
