You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
