Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
