Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize