I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
