Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
