I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
