Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
