remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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