If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
