didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
