So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
