mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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