somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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