but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
