so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
