Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
