The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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