I love black thongs
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's shark week go big or go home
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
