My hand turned me down
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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