Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
