Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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