I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
