After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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