i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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