I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
