I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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