Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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