I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
