dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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