i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
