because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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