yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
