PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
