The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
