trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize