I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
