508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
