i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
