In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize