Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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