Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
