I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
